Sunday, May 19, 2013

Monday 19th until Sunday 25th November 2012


I woke up to a great daybreak.
The sun was shining again.
The sun shines so brightly just now.
I know that it is 2 birthday’s today, so I have left 2 choc fairy cakes today.
Monday morning, my farm day.
This is a perfect Monday morning.
The sun shines on my cosmic Monday.
I put on my  Pink Beret today, haw, hee, haw, frenchie way.
My friend Alfonso Jools, was having his breakfast, a special breakfast.
It was Jools’s birthday today.
I walked in to the kitchen and sang “Happy Birthday To You”
I thought my singing is pretty good but honestly, ME-----SINGING Oops!
Dandy Andy was there too, we all posed for a birthday picture.


This is my usual Monday Farm Day.
It’s great that I’m not on a string and being told what to do.
I love the thought that I actually do what I wish to do each Monday.
It can be physical, using my arms and legs or just chat. I love the both actually.
As soon as I got in there the first two animals that I showed was Holst and Stein.
Big Lee was here with me today, he had never been on the farm with me yet, he was quite excited at the newness of everything to him.

I introduced him to all the animals and I told him about the names that I gave already.
The piglets were so cute, they loved to make a mess.
Pip appeared with his ball for the attention again.
Then the Peacock called Princess Feather arrived to say good morning to us.
The three S’s said Hello too!
Salvatore the black & white rabbit was soooo happy to see us today.
Cristian and Richard said Hellooooooo tooooooooo.
The baby chick’s were scrambling about in their cage. I haven’t named them yet!
I was telling everyone at the office what was going to happen tomorrow with the choc fairy cakes and a visit to Matt again.
I crossed my fingers and legs for tomorrow, wish me LUCK please.
Blue came over for a wee doggy chat and then Pip arrived again for something else to put in his mouth.
I decided to clean out the Geese and a few Turkeys Home I was lost the in a new word!
It was really smelly today but I thoroughly enjoyed the physical movements in brushing out their home mess.
I looked at the Turkey and decided to call this one “Grumpy Smile Less”
He sat there grumpy at his dirty home, he needed it cleaned, so I did clean for him.
Richard S came over for a chat, we blethered as usual.
I walked into the office and spoke to Jack Boyd, the youngest son.
I decided that we could play at a dramatic point for my picture, “I’m giving you into trouble, Jack!” “That will make a good pic for the blog so far”
Jack and I couldn’t stop laughing at my new job as a Director of my stories.
“Cut, Get rid of that, Ooh! Keep that, Smile, Bow” what a great director I have become.
I went into see the Lizard, the baby eggs and the Tortoise before I left.
I was about to leave and I noticed some movement in the next set of rooms.
Bloody hell it was Carla!
I said “Carla” straight away, what a great brain I have these days. I remember all the names so easy now, I remember situations so much easier, I never need to write everything, only some names and an odd word for a joist to my brain.
I got into the car to come home and I looked at my hand.
I checked out the emotion ring and it turned a Dark Brown, WOW.
That was my PASSION mood at the Clowne Community Care Farm.
I do have a passion for working with all these animals, a Monday is the most passionate day for me just now.
I had a great day at the Farm today. COOL


I had my lunch at 12:30; suddenly a worker told me that my OT class is Tuesday?
I had already arranged my day out on Tuesday 20th November 2012.
Tuesday was supposed to be my day out which I had prepared.
I had looked through the home diary on the Friday 16th Nov, there was nothing for the Tuesday so I made my own “Time Out”
I can’t believe that Possibly I put my OT on the wrong day. SHIT!
Hey, I even knew that I was doing the poetry again, at least I know that is right
When I got home I saw David in the ground hallway that is Alfonso’s father I then saw my neighbour Alfonso’s mother Norma.
We spoke upstairs in the hallway and as we were passing, I told her that I had one chocolate fairy cake and a card for Alfonso’s birthday. She was very impressed with my thoughtfulness. Norma said that I could pop in to see him and give him his fairy cake and his birthday card, she said that they were all going out soon, but it was OK for me to give him his present if he accepted it. Norma explained this to Alfonso and he accepted his present from me, and my quick visitation.
They had the Birthday, I only wanted to hand over a present to the “Birthday Boy”
In – Out. EASY
Well at least Norma managed to take our picture for his birthday.
I shall get it developed as another present for Alfonso, Jools.
Alfonso was eating his cup cake and reading his birthday card, Norma stood there, and suddenly the same staff person walked into Alfonso’s room and gave me into trouble for giving Alfonso his presents; the fairy cake and his birthday card.
Norma had invited me in to Alfonso’s lounge to pass over my gift.
The staff member did give me into trouble.
She told me that this was his “Family Day” and I was interrupting his visit?
I explained to her that Norma had already invited me to Alfonso’s lounge to give him his card and his choc fairy cake.
What was the “Big Deal”
Now just because it’s Alfonso’s birthday and I’ve been invited by his mother does that mean that I am doing something WRONG!
Norma had asked Alfonso first and he called through to me “YES”
Why do people not communicate properly?!
The other birthday girl was not in today, so I shall lock myself away.
I seem to do everything wrong!



Shall I call this day,


That is just like my life sometimes, PISHY.
I woke up at 06:30am to go to the loo, I looked at my right foot and I saw the red colour at my big toe area. This was from the base of my right toe to the bunion area, if I had a bunion which I do not have, thank god!
This morning I put on this emotion ring back on my finger, it said; mixed emotions and normal. What nerves or senses does my body elevate to this wee ring.
I have just thought that I was OK, but all of these emotions from my memory bank that I have these days can be a “PAIN IN MY ASS!”
My right arm is cold from the elbow to the shoulder.
I was covered well in my bed.
I was totally covered, under covered.  WHY? !!!!
I went down the stairs at 06:35am and I asked King Jo to feel me!
Hey, this is a medically thing, not a feely (Oh Err Mrs!) thing, it’s not dirty!
I’m curious about my whole body.
I’m a detective, I need answers?
I got ready to go and do my gym this morning. It was now 08:15am and I went down to the office for the keys so I can work my legs on the bike.
One senior person E said that the other senior person J had the keys for me to get onto the arty room, it is still the same home but on an annexe from the main house.
Another member of staff asked me if I was going to be here for the OT lady, so I said, “Yes, I have to be for her.” I then walked away and she told me that I had an attitude the way I spoke to her. She told me this as I was walking away.
As I walked away I did say back to her “Yes, I do have an attitude!”
I was back in my room at 08:35am and I typed.
It got to 09:07am and I had 1 ring on my phone, it was a private number.
I called a number for the message left on the voicemail for me.
I heard all the rustling in the background on the message.
It was KKKKatie for a chat.
I waited for my OT lady this morning.
She turned up and we done the poetry again. Great exercises for the brain.
KKKKatie turned up for our therapy on my brain.
I can really concentrate these days, two or three things at the same time. BRILLIANT!

The birthday girl came in on the late shift. I missed her yesterday for her birthday.
When I realised that she was in, I took a fairy cake with a parrot on it.
I told her she can treat herself with it after her dinner tonight.
What a lovely evening sky and a perfect sunset this evening.
What a mixture of feelings I have gone through today.
CRAP. Goodnight, I’m only saying goodnight as that is the most decent way to talk.


Here I go, another, lovely sunny morning today.
I was getting my medication and the senior member informed me that at 08:00am they had an email from my Physio teacher, to find out if she could come around to see me at 1:15pm for my Physio class. I basically do nothing all week long, so I told her YES!


I was about to go for my time on the bike and I was told by the duty manager, that I could not go onto the bike as there was a meeting next door.
I just organised my breakfast instead.
I made a lovely bowl of porridge for my breakfast.
When I finished my porridge, I went to clean out all my dishes.
Suddenly a staff member came into the kitchen and said “Good morning Pauline!”
I looked around and smiled and said “Good morning” back.
I carried on with my used dishes’; I wanted to clean up all my breakfast dishes.
The staff member still stood there, she reiterated to me that the lady was Cath!
I was quite confused now.
I looked over and said “Hi!” to the lady Cath, I carried on with my dishes.
The two of them stood there and watched me!
The way how I feel just now is, pretty selfish.
I will clean up, don’t get me wrong, but I will only clean up for myself, no one else.


As I has finished my clean up pot and bowl, I was about to leave the kitchen and I was introduced to the lady Cath again. I said “Hi” again, then I was asked to show her our home here?
I was truly surprised about “Me! showing her this home!”
I just started walking and then I directed my pointy finger;
“Now the kitchen, as you can see, hallway, lounge, office, toilet, bathroom, another office.”
We walked through another room and I took her out into the back garden, then I escorted her through to the next area of the home where there is a meeting’s room, we can do baking, cooking, drawing, painting, talking. It is very nice.
I thought I had finished!
She asked me if I could show her the upstairs of the home, so I did.
She asked if she could look into my room!


I was quite shocked again, but “Hey, Ho, I have nothing to hide!”
I was wondering why she wanted to look at all of MY stuff.
When she got into the room where I live just now, I asked her who she was and why was she here, I’m very nosey!

Cath told me that she is A social worker

I said to her, “A Social Worker!”
I said again, “What is a Social Worker!”, “What is it for!”

I have been here since the 23rd of April 2012.

Why did I not know that I had a “Social Worker?”

“What was this Social Worker

“Who has been a Social Worker that has worked for ME, which I never knew?”


To all you Social Workers who do not even introduce yourselves to me!

You apparently have had a serious job here!

You don’t even explain to me what you or I think about!

I shall look further into this messy assignment that has been given to ME!

At least now I KNOW that I have a Senior Adult Derbyshire Social Worker!



I have been asked already today;

Where did I live? I TOLD.

How do I get on with my family?  I TOLD.

I told her everything, OH, YES I DID!
I told her about “This little piggy!” by my sister!
I told her;
“Did my family ever know that I actually was 48yrs old and I COULD HEAR?”
Why should my family treat me like a baby!
Cath spoke to me about “Boyd” I never mentioned him, but she mentioned him to me.
I told her about the texts.
“C’est la vie!” I answered to her.
She mentioned “Drug’s” with members of my family!
I told her all that I knew, I did say, that over the last 15 months has been very hazy.

I found more red signs on my right leg today.
I took a nice picture of the sunset, the colour is like my life before, BLACK.
I just lay low today.
I can’t be bothered speaking to anyone.


Someone knocked on my door at 10:35pm.
I got myself up from my bed and opened the door.
I asked if there was any problem!

The evening staff person asked me if I would like to speak to my sister.
The staff person asked me if I could talk to her on the phone as she would like to spend time with me tomorrow!
I didn’t even think about her, so I said “NO!”
I told the staff member to say to her that “I WAS BUSY!”
I’m busy doing nothing!
I decided to text her that she could drop off my double bed and the 2 bedside units.
I even txt her “Thank you”
I carried on watching the documentary on the TV, as I was awake now; it was all about;
“The town that caught in Tourettes.”
It happened in October 2011 in LeRoy in America.
Suddenly in a high school in LeRoy,

At 23:03pm she still txt me back that she text me;
“I don’t have your furniture. Try a different family member.”
I just got on with my sleep.

Good night


I woke up in a happy mood today.
I decided to make a card to The Neurocare Charity Team.
The staff names are;

Emma Douglas, the Head of Fundraising and PR.
Rebecca Allen, the Finance and Administration Co-ordinator.
Grace Enright, the Assistant Fundraiser, (my pretty girl!)
Patricia Mitchell, Chief Exectutive, the big boss for this Neurocare.
I shall definitely keep my head with you all!
I still can’t understand that people never communicate with me.
People still don’t tell me what is happening in my life.


I went down to the office to re-affirm that I was getting picked up early for my afternoon with Emma Douglas.
I need to not, double but treble confirm that there are no mistakes in my agenda.
I have an ACTUAL MEETING with the Osbourn 4 this morning.
This was computer written on the 20th of July 2012?
It was addressed to me? Hmmmmm.
I do know that I am a terrible photocopier, I have done that here since I came here on Monday the 23rd of April 2012.
I photocopy everything that I can photocopy now, I have double and treble copies of all of my paperwork.
How did I miss this important meeting!
I didn’t find out about this until the last moment, AGAIN!
I took a picture of my eyes, as that is how I feel just now.


Janiece and I stopped off at the shop to pick up some sweeties for all the staff that I have left, MY FAMILY.
As we pulled up the car outside Osbourn 4, I was getting quite excited to see my medical family, Dr’s, Nurses, Physio’s, Everyone.
I got the pressies in my bag and we started walking over towards the front entrance.

                                                  Straight away, I looked at the bench at the front entrance.
I needed to get a picture of it for myself, it was personal.
I remembered the day when I asked Janiece about my big drama!
I told Janiece that I was in Sheffield, I was in a hospital, but what happened to me?
How long have I been here?
2 or 3 weeks?
It was such a shame when she said “9 months” to me!
Again my word back after that was;
There was a lady walking up towards me as she was leaving the building.
She was all wrapped up and had a skip hat on her head.
Straight away I said “Hello!”
She looked at me with the biggest smile, it was HELEN!
Helen had done the physio with me when I lived there before.
Janiece called over to me if I was OK. I called back to her to ask her to have a meeting with Helen too.
Helen has a sneaky virus that comes and goes in a blink of the eye these days.
I truly hope Helen makes a good remarkable fitness back to her life.
I went in to see John 1st, my physio man, or my wee boy to me!
I told John about where I sat in the physio room with him.
We had a good catch up, and then I was onto MY LADIES.
As we stood there at the reception desk, I told the ladies about me, when I could not be allowed to be by myself. I was a rebel, I was a mischievous rebel.
I told them about me being into their coffee time and lunch time, coffee time again and now dinner time, oops! Another coffee time!
Everyone needed two sets of eyes when I was about!
They must have loved the free time when I was out.
Ahhhh peaceful, tranquillity, HEAVEN.
I then went to see Dr Saad, I was going for a brain education training session.
I had to tell him my details;
Pauline Quinn,
I live in Sheffield,
I told him my address, now and before - even the postcode!
He asked me the name of the Prime Minister?
I was totally confused?
I am not into politics and I have had a brain injury, does mean that a Prime Minister could have changed during my brain injury?
I’m not interested in the politics I told Dr Saad.
Dr Saad then asked me who was the President of America.
I told him that I can’t recall his name at this moment, I said he is a cute black guy if he is still there, but remember I’m not into politics! I’ve had a Brain Injury!
He asked me to say as many names with the letter P!
Done that, I think it was quite good for my files, RESULT
Now the piesta resistance!
He said, deduct 7 from 100 all the way back to nothing. As I was thinking about the  deduction of  7, I was thinking about all the “P” words then I thought of all the Prime Ministers and the Presidents of America. I had a busy brain this morning.
When I got to the 1-10 numbers the next number I said was -5, Dr Saad lifted his hands and said, “Noooo, enough!” I felt quite proud of myself after that.
Dr Saad had showed me my file notes of where I had been before and to where I am just now. Dr Saad knew how confused I had been before.
He did tell me officially that;

Dr Saad, THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart <3

Janiece and I parked just outside NEXT at Meadow Hall shopping centre.
The steel men stood outside the entrance at Next.
It looks like something from a furnace or something.
Janiece and I sat in an open air coffee shop to meet Emma Douglas and my beautiful girl Grace Enright.
It was great to see their faces, as they bounced along to see us.
Their happiness made me full of happiness, joyful, merriment.
As I cuddled my girls, we sat down and I told them of one of my stories of the blue tongues. I told them of Matt sticking out his tongue, I know that his grandfather Terry has said to me that he is going blind and he does stick his tongue out occasionally but I feel that he did see the picture and copied it. I have FAITH IN MATT.
The girls had faith in ME and for Matt and the blue tongue.
We then spoke about “ME, ISSUE 3!” I’m posing now.
It’s great to feel confident after all the misery that I was in. I love feeling confident.
We spoke about next week and the Neurocare Charity Party for a lot of Sponsors who help the charity. They all hand in a lot of money, for the Neurocare Charity purse.
The Charity has paid for a brand new bed that will twirl around for someone who is stuck in a bed. It’s called a *************************** forget the name, Oops!
When the bed moves around, all of your weight moves around your body to relieve a lot of your organs from the stress of having to work hard to stay alive.
I do think this is the first bed like this in this country. WOW!


I have heard that I am Mr Patel’s “LUCKY MIRACLE”


Emma and Grace spoke about the newspapers and the “Party” next Thursday.
Next week, 6pm, Neurocare Charity Party.
It is a big shop front with all the lovely cars, COOL.
It’s a lovely way to say “THANK YOU ALL!”
We re-traced our way back home, what a great afternoon with the girls today.
We had to have a look at some of the knickers for a giggle and the T-Shirts.
We went for another coffee at Starbucks with a little cake, it was yummy.
We went into the Supermarket for some shopping, I started acting now.
I was like an old lady with a wooden leg, I was a dramatic old brain injured me.
I had a lovely dinner with Janiece and David, I will cook one of these days!
I got home later in the evening, before 9pm.
I went out the back garden to take a picture of the 1st star in the sky.
What a great sight to have it actually on my phone camera!
What a great visual that I captured tonight.
I am so happy with my visual sight tonight.
Off to bed, I’m so happy tonight. Goodnight.

Friday 23rd November 2012

This morning was the sunniest sunny morning a perfect far!
I was going to get ready to go and see Matt???????
Made an apple pie instead.
I enjoyed watching  Maddona on the telly singing, Holiday, Celibrate, Let love shine, Wilderness.


I woke up at 04:24am, I thought that I heard a ring on my phone, but the only ring thing that I heard was my head thinking that a bell rang in my head to go to the loo.
I fell asleep without turning off the T.V. it was still on BBC 4 with all the colourful squares, yellow, green, lilac and blue. No noise, just nothing, but brightness.
The sunrise this morning was awesome again.
The colours in the sky were perfect.
The shapes that were already created by the clouds, appear to have it’s own very curious aura to me.
There was a light frost in the grass this morning, cool.
Then “X” marked in the sky, was a spot for me to look at.
It’s cool when two big airliners, that far up in the sky, cross each other’s paths.
I need to find out the proper name for all the white stuff coming from planes engines.


Janiece came for me to go to Chesterfield Bowls, 10 pin bowling! Woohoo!
I was getting collected this morning between 9:30 – 10am.
We are starting our Broken Brain day at Chesterfield Bowling at 11am.
My head started to pop the minute we started driving.
I was enthusiastic with my new story; here I go;


“Janiece parked the car, we both go up the road on the pavement, me in my chair and Janiece pushing me up the hill.
Janiece is exhausted after the push up the hill.
She huffs and puffs to me very dramatic.
I laugh.
At the top of the drive, on the flat, at another car park, we cross over to on the right hand side and walk down for a coffee in the hospital coffee shop.
The coffee machine makes Latte or Cappucinno!  Yes, I’m right.
We buy a wee biscuit or a cake! Yes, I’m right again.
The car park at the top of the hill on the right does have some undercover that Janiece uses if it’s raining.
We need the protection from the bad weather when she has to organise a wheelchair.
When back at Osbourn 4 she rings the door and I talk back for me at the talker back.”

When I told her that story, she was impressed at all of my details.
If I had to go into all the details you would probably get bored so I shall cut things down now. Result, I talk too much! I realise that! Woohoo!


The group today is;
Neal, Jerry, Julian, Peter, Brenda, Andrew, Sue, Liz, Robert,  John and if there is any other names I shall say sorry for right now for not keeping up to date with all the names, oops! ME too!

I was then introduced to Neal again, I met him firstly on Wednesday 14th November.
I never knew about his broken brain too!
Neal has a great sense of humour; a sense of humour is the best thing for us to have.
I found the loo for my brain ease; I always need to know where the loo is first.
Right, now here is a big weight to carry, I need to know how to hold a ball and focus on the presentation of the ball. I need to learn how to let a ball go from my hand.
It sounds easy but it is hard. CRIKEY!
I was getting quite excited at the bowl drama with my fingers.
I was feeling confident. WooHoo! I won a throw from the machine.
I then got a tiny bit of fear as my pins were quite distorted on the boards, I would have to be a magician to finish this set of bowls.
I must have been a magician, I WON!
“WAY TO GO!” was written on their board, I was very satisfied.
Janiece got ready to go for her next two pins, YES, she got a great score!
Next I got up and I spoke to my fingers on my right hand, I told my fingers to be good. Neal stood there behind me with his fingers having a different drama!
*********** GET YOUR GUN!
Hey that was a very funny, funny picture. Good humour, Neal.
********** DOUBLE
I did feel sad in my own feeling way, well, I was the last on the card so far.
I have to push myself to be the best, it’s important to me.
I’m not doing very well at this game today, should I throw the game away? Hmmmm
I was enjoying the T.V. cartoons more than anything else.
Snooker, good.
King with pins, NICE.


We all sat down and had some late breakfast/early lunch.
We got some nice bacon rolls and some cappucinno’s, fantastic.
Even although I was LAST!
Well, Neal had the best fun with his humour today, it was the most thrilling bowling game today, even though I was LAST! I had best great fun!


We got into the car and travelled back into Sheffield.
We focused on visiting my friend from Osbourn 4.
We made our way to visit Lynne and Steve and Pip at their home, this afternoon.
We stopped off at the shop first for some pastries.
When we reached their home, Pip was the first at the door, he was barking happily.
We got into the house and it was lovely to have our wee kiss and cuddle again.
Janiece is so good at all the chatting with Lynne, you have to realise that when Lynne was in the Osbourn 4 with me, and I couldn’t walk or talk!
I have been lost in all this chatting thing, as I  never knew what was going on, even when I did start to talk, did I never know what was going on!
I never even knew what was happened properly to Lynne, but I do know now.
Lynne has the biggest smile on her face, from ear to ear. Her walking is becoming stronger now.
I am so proud of her these days, I can hold my head up high for her.
I have the faith for Lynne, she is so much stronger now, she makes us laugh.
Pip, the dog, has to get right in the middle of all the talking.
Pip showers me with all the kisses today, it was lovely.
Steve came down and joined us, he made us a lovely coffee from their machine.
The light on the kettle is a blue colour, that way, when Steve is at work and the Carer is not around yet, Lynne will be able to make herself a wee cuppa for herself.
Lynne’s sight has retreated now with the cancer, she is a strong lady.
Hey we are the same age, 49yrs old.
Lynne was invited for a x-mas dinner with me, I couldn’t even SAY “Merry Xmas!”


I look back at my picture to remember my dinner with Lynne.
When I look back at my pictures, I CRY, deeply cry.
I look into my own soul and I know how sad I have been.
I know where I have been!
I can look into my pictures and I can see the sadness in me, I am truly LOST in my body, a long black tunnel where I cannot come from. I have been trapped, caged in my body, now that is where my body has been hiding.
I have to pull myself out of my painful sad body.
I shall carry on with today’s live story.

I am stopping over at Janiece and David’s home tonight. P.S. It’s my home too!
I was a lodger here at my sister and brother-in-law’s home.
I shall carry on with this story another time.
This is to do with my Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage.
Another Day, Another Story. EH!

It was Saturday night and we were having an Indian takeaway. Hmmmm.
I love curries, I truly felt at home again.
Debbie and John were joining us all.
I was just getting to know people before, and then I had my sickness. DAMN.
Debbie and John have had their shoulders there for Janiece and David after all the sadness that I was going through, they were going through it too!
Janiece and David both went through a mental trauma of mine; they had seen the physical trauma that I physically went through.
Every day I have to go through my pain in my heart all over again, the more I cry about it, the stronger I get, my memory gets weaker to me.
This is just what I have to go through, no one else, only me!
We had a mix of lovely and we all shared our main courses.
Then we were talking about un-serious subjects, very funny.
John is good at playing jokes with sausages, coke, pizza and hair?
I’m still confused?
Debbie has a new name, Debbie Does!
Debbie Does the “gennal”? Confused, Debbie and John? Hmmmm
We started talking about Dunstable;
Mad Madeline, The Greyhound, Sunday Stripper, Ooh Missus!
We all brought up our backgrounds and all the funny stories, excellent.
I got tired and left them all and went to bed.
I had such a lovely day today.
The girls were enjoying their Prosecco Superiore, (bubbly wine), it got to about 11pm and as I decided to slip away I gave everyone a big kiss.
I had a fantastic day again.
I wonder what shall Debbie Does again!?
Goodnight all XXXX


I got up early and the house was quiet.
I made a coffee and I went onto the FB to catch up with my new world.
I found some great words;

If you stand for a
Be prepared to
      A TREE,
And if you FALL on
      like a SEED
that grows back to

Great words for a Sunday!
Have a good day to all my readers.
I shall catch you all tomorrow.
The words above are more than enough.
See you all tomorrow!


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