Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Am I repeating myself........ Again!

Before I go any further................"Am I repeating myself......AGAIN!"

Still not had any info about the gift money of £250 pounds from "you know who!"
I did leave 3 messages on 2 mobiles and the landline.
I'm not a party member of any group, I'm just me, who stands up for myself and I talk all by myself.
No-one puts their hand up my back to make me talk Sir-ree!
The last blob/blog page  called.........

Sunday, January 26, 2014

I'm Anxious and Depressed...WoopDeeDoo!

............was sent by myself  to Nick Clegg as I read his topic "Change of Attitude"

Clegg: 'Change of attitude' on mental health needed

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said "a change of attitude" towards mental health is needed as he starts a campaign to bring the issue "out of the shadows."

There remains, too much prejudice and too much discrimination around the issue of mental health.

The whole world that I live in has got people with "An Attitude"
I got on the bus in town today, it's the last stop in town before it does it's return jouney.
We all got on the bus and the doors closed, the bus was still stationary.
I shouted at the busdriver to open the doors as the boy turned up to get on the bus, he was puffing and quite flushed to get on the bus!
The driver called back to me....."Closed the door! Can't open it up again, rules, I have to do ......."
I just jumped in and said:-...........A LOT!
The bus passengers had smiles on their faces as the woman behind me tapped my shoulder and said:-
"Good for you! It's about time for people to talk back!"
I said it loud enough for them to hear me that the boy may have had to get to a emergency of some kind.
I told the busdriver to change his job and not work with people who get angry with their attitude!

Who Does What!

Who's the person who makes all these kind of rules!

Does people really, really like to work by these rules?

When I get to the bus stop and I'm not standing within that Yellow box on the road or if I'm not standing where there's sometimes an incline on the kerb the busdriver will open the door as it is still moving and say that I'm not at the right place as it wizzies away..........what happened there!
Yes the world has Attitudes!

The End..........maybe!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

I'm Anxious and Depressed...WoopDeeDoo!

Before I go on any further with my interesting and exciting meetings in this life of mine.............!

Where did I go........!

Can anyone tell me............please!
You never arrive the way you left, headaches, stress, that's just life, isn't it?
What happened to my personality!
What brought on all my mood swings!

What happened, what happened, what happened!
On the last blob/blog, I did say that I wouldn't jump between the books I have to read; but.... you know me, I dived right in! I started reading one of the other books last night and found out that "I'm not the only one!"
Sorry Denise Mina, I will get back to your story, I promise........!
As I was tired I thought that I would only read one or two pages if I was lucky before I fell into the nodlandzzzzzzzzzz!
I read 39 pages of "A Dented Image"


I was intrigued and seen myself on each page, I thought, "Thank God I'm not the only one"
These pieces are written by Dr Trevor Powell, Consultant Clinical Neuropsychologist, Berkshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust.

My doctor has on my files that I have depression and anxiety, I told the Doctor last week that last year I had been moved to a town where I knew no-one by the NHS; therefore the isolation was the worst thing as I had no contact, no-one to talk to, my support was "sick" and I had no calls to cancel my support nor did I get a stand-in support. No one turned up! It was that simple. I just had to grin and smile and move on. I've still never had one yet! I wonder how I would have managed if I never had the determination to move myself forward.  The pain I have, apart from physical is a broken heart the way I have been treated.
End of story!.......possibly not.

Let me honestly tell you something here:-

My blob/blog is what I do to get me out of where I've been.
If I have family problems then that is something that I have to deal with.
I've been waiting for a very, very long time for a gift that was sent to me on the 15th of September 2013, I've kept this gob shut for a very, very long time and now I'm truley peeved, no pissed off!
My Doctor is looking for a Neuropsychologist for me now as I have come to the stage that I trust no-one and I will happily kick-ass towards people who annoy me.
Has their behaviour towards me brought on this Depression and Anxiety?
I think so!
People try to control you but I listen to nothing that they say, I'm still waiting for the other half of my £500 cash gift present that my dad sent for me.
Dad told me that he didn't want any arguements within the family as he's getting on in his age, he even gave her extra money on top of her £500 gift that she received for the travel expenses to Chesterfield to drop off my £500 cash gift and she was travelling the next week to Glasgow to give £500 cash to Brian. Poor Brian knew nothing about this either!
Families Eh!

By the way, she did say that I've not to mention their names so I must take that dummy now and keep it in my pram! How old have I become?
Just to remind you (I do repeat myself!) this cash changed hands on Sunday the 15th of September 2013 it's probably better off in her own pocket as she's away on a holiday of a life time and now has changed her job as a RSW, a Rehabilitation Support Worker!
I wonder if this is how people get trained!
If they think they can get away with this from their sister, i.e. ME!
I sincerely pray for others, from the bottom of my heart!

I received words this night about this situation and I'm still waiting for the final cash to be delivered.
It would be quicker if it came via Dubai as the traffic on the roads these days is so congested!
How many days have I waited now?

Mr Toby Perkins MP......My CHOICE!!! 25th October 2013

Friday 25th October 2013

I decided to put this blog out tonight after my meeting with Mr Toby Perkins MP of Chesterfield
He is the Labour Member of Parliament for Chesterfield.
Shadow Minister for Small Business (BIS)

Sincerely Thank You Mr Toby Perkins MP

I'll take us back to the 15th of September 2013

Remember....I do repeat myself!
This is what I received instead of my £500 cash!

This was my next letter dated 30.10.2013 then.........

Then this letter was dated 08.11.2013

My reply was on Thursday 14th November and I'm still waiting for this £250 pounds.

So, have I missed out on how to be treated after a Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage?
Is this the right way to be treated?
I must have slept for years and years as I cant remember this style of treatment?
I must go and get more education! Seriously.

Why have I become a "1 in a million"
I could be that one in a million numpty who allows my family to get away with treating me this way.
Maybe I'm that "1 in a million" person who has copied all my letters that has been sent to me and I have put them in other places from my Rehabilitation Home at Markham House in 2012.
Mr Toby Perkins always said to me last year, "Evidence!"
A great person to listen and follow.
I'm still trying to cope with all that has happened, but I will get there.

This has been bubbling inside me for such a long time.
I can't just turn away on their behaviour towards me and forget all about it!
This has held me back since my 1st Review in Markham House, Bolsover.
I wrote this letter all by myself, but certain people think that it's not my words.
I started to tell people when I would see them and that's when someone had an arguement with me as the weekends were hers and not mine?
Well I thought or assumed that this is my life and no-one elses!
Obviously I was wrong as I was dismissed from MY 1st REVIEW!
Obviously all of the people who are supposed to care and support me lost their tongues for My 1st Review.
C'est la vie, Such is life!
I didn't even know that they had a pre-meeting without Myself! HORROR!
I wonder what they all spoke about then, my nose bothers me here.
(I do repeat myself occassionally!)

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Friday 20th July 2012

Review Meeting

This is my letter that I read to all my family at my review meeting

Markham House

I moved to Markham on the 23rd of April 2012
I cannot remember meeting Rachael Smith on the 13thApril 2012.
If we check on April 16th and 17th my writing is absolutely horrific. My brain must have found it hard to organise all of my English language .
Here are some examples:
Monday 16th April – Meeting with call to incle Patel, good time Mr. Patel.
Going to feet with Patel down the soup
Tuesday 17th April – Met cousins to later to meet the mousin with my friend pat to hurry up.
Met Jonathan as my seen with my friend.
The ladder is shut in the door to give me a nice time.
This was the thoughts that went through my head, dear what a load of mash!

I have got through at the end, I’m the strongest person, no one treats me like a child.
I had my lumber puncture on 10th February and then I went for my SHUNT on 15th February 2012, at 7pm. When I had just had my shunt I was just leaving Hallamshire and I firstly crossed my legs in my chair .WOW.  I put my right leg over my left, my right leg was actually in a stroke but I could do things naturally.
My body was healing for me, when I was trying to talk again I was talking to the left but my memory was going to the right, we couldn’t get together from Saturday 18th February 2012 till now July 2012.

It has been very hard, I have lost myself in my body somewhere, obviously my brain must have hidden in a dark corner in my head. Thank god that I’m fine now and just got a few little corners in my brain to sort out, ahhhh.
I’ve only been honestly alive when I moved in hear on the 23rdof April 2012. I have the lights in my little houses in my head, every day the lights for the houses come on. They plop, plop, plop, every day, to remind me of the things in the past.

Steve turned up for our bye byes but it ended up in my room for a marathon 2:30pm till 4:30pm. I couldn’t stop with my feelings about being treated as a child. People treated me as a child and never listened to what I said as my words were all goobly and gaggley.

I know my family were there to see me in my bad, bad sickness time, I do love them all but I need people to treat me like an adult and listen to me.   I don’t want to be taken over I love my life and I want to live happily.  Speak to me and ask me first if you want to come to visit, I may be able to fit you into my busy busy life. 

So, I want everyone to go to their homes and works and enjoy their weekends. I can go back to my life. Woohoo thanks lord.

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This was 16 days after my blob/blog was started.
This is when lots of things started to bother me, pissed me off.

Then the next 8days later I had a Bedroom Strike.


Saturday 28th July 2012


Those in the know will understand, sorry to those who dont know!!!

The first blob/blog only lasted from the 4th of July 2012, Independence Day until the 25th of October 2012 but it never got online until Sunday 3rd Febtuary 2013.

When you are trying to get over this heavy trauma, why does the NHS and others who are supposed to be looking after you, just listen to what others say and not what I say!

Out of a family of seven children, I was the only family member who sent my dad a Christmas Card !
That breaks your heart and I'm the one with the Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage!
Maybe they all had a "sickness!"

On a good finish here, my dad thanked me very much for his christmas card.
That meant more than anything from him.

All My Love
Pauline XXX

Friday, January 24, 2014

A New Year with Denise Mina and GARNET HILL.

The New Year of 2014

Coming into the new year "Sweet Dreams" were made of this;

the pitz live at the market chesterfield

I sat over a coffee while I looked at their You Tube video as I seemed unable to put on my own video to my blob/blog.
I may think of going back to school and get a refresh for the brain.
I may get in, never know!

Some words have a struggle to come out from the brain, but they are there!
This is Aphesia which lots of us have after a brain injury.
It doesn't mean that I'm silly, unfortunately lots of people think so!

I went to do some shopping in Sheffield with Janiece and David, then we went back to Killamarsh for a Steak Pie Dinner.
At last....Chris called and told me that his neighbour had my glasses. Too many sherries Eh!
What a superb night though.

 The first Monday 6th January 2014
 I went round to Hurst House for my exercises.
WEA means Workers' Educational Assosiation (WEA)
It's the UK's largest voluntary-sector adult education provider and they have a branch in Chesterfield since 1908. They've been running a wide range of courses for adults at their base.
I can study in a quiet and relaxing atmosphere; it's amazing for me!
I found this area through my writing friend Roland Gray, he was part of the Jigsaw book.

I stood at the office:-
"Where is everyone?"
I said to the office staff; "Oh! They don't start until next week!"
I mentioned that I never read the booklet, I just glanced to see if my class was on and just turned up! That's me.......I jump into anything at the wrong times!
I went on to the College as my Qigong and Thai Chi tutor Mr Beever had mentioned to me just before Christmas to see if I could get a massage on my feet or legs.
I thought!.........I can just try!
I went down to College and asked if I could be a Model!!!
"What for!" I was asked.
"Hey, I have two tassles and a thong so I'm ready!"
"What!!!" Was the return confusion from the receptionist?
"I have a great sense of humour, never lost that, it may have gotten better now!"
The receptionist sat there and quietly giggled at my words; she asked me for the reason why I came to the College and wrote down all my answers. She said that she would speak to the tutors before anything else could be done.
I thought that she would normally put your name and time down on their timetable for massages, straight forward; but they had to discuss things about me, what happened to me.......etc, etc, etc!
I had to pass on my mobile number and expect a call as soon as possible.
I left there and went into town for lunch.
By the time I got home it was tea-time; about 5:30ish and I seen that I had a local missed call.
When I called the number back; it was answered by Chesterfield College.
I was told to arrive at College, an early slot in the morning! GULP!
I need to get up bright and breezy for this.......... and don't forget to bring in a list of data for them.

Then another letter arrived from Neurocare Charity............The Head Start information for 27th April.

I need to get started for this 5km walk in Rother Valley Country Park for Neurocare Charity
Lot's to do now, busy, busy, busy!
I must get my walk timing down now, hopefully I shall be proud of the time it takes me to walk 5km.

On the Wednesday when I went to Specialist Stoke Services on the 8th of January, I spent a very, very long time with WPC Sarah. I talked constantly to her with all my woes and misery that I had.
She wrote and listened to all that I had to say but when I went into the Services meeting I missed the first part of the day, I needed a cuppa! Ahhhh! A nice cuppa tea!
Later I spent time at the Gym to pick up the speed in my walking.

I then went for a walk to get all the left's, right's, forward's and backwards, my map in my brain.
I saw the balloons which said to "come in" so I walked into the Church.
They were doing a vocal tour of the years gone by, when there was a big coal mining life here.
George Stephenson - Mines, Pits and Rails.

Here's some interesting things about George Stephenson in Chesterfield.

Digital Archive Top Banner

George Stephenson  (1781–1848)

Signature of George Stephenson, 1847

Did you know?

George Stephenson’s use of the ‘standard gauge’ was influenced by horse and carts. Carts were traditionally made with 5ft between the wheels, in proportion with the size of an average work horse. Early trackways for use by horse and cart used a dimension of around 4ft 8in, By the time Stephenson was designing the S&DR and the L&MR this dimension was already a well recognised measure. A gauge of 4ft 8 1/2in is still used today as the standard for railways around the world, including ours. 

Civil and mechanical engineer

The combination of George Stephenson’s achievements in both civil and mechanical engineering has directly influenced much of our railway infrastructure. He foresaw a national network of lines, running at a ‘standard gauge’ with minimal gradients. Routes he surveyed and structures he designed and built are still in use today. For this pioneering work he is known as the father of the railways. 
George Stephenson was born at Wylam, near Newcastle upon Tyne. Without a formal education, at the age of 18 Stephenson paid for his own lessons in reading, writing and arithmetic and quickly displayed considerable mechanical aptitude. His early career was spent working on different types of industrial machinery particularly at collieries in the North East at a time when the industry was expanding rapidly to satisfy the demand of the mills and factories at the start of the industrial revolution. New technologies such as steam engines and fixed rails for easy transportation were being developed for its exploitation.

During the early 19th century, George Stephenson held a number of different jobs around the north east and in Scotland, working on and looking after these early industrial machines. These were hard times, particularly after his first wife (and mother of Robert) died in 1806. However, things began to change when in 1811 Stephenson successfully identified and then fixed a problem with a Newcomen engine which had been installed at a mine belonging to a group of wealthy and influential north east businessmen. They were so impressed with Stephenson’s ability and approach, they put him in charge of all machinery at all of their pits, and paid him an annual salary of £100 per year. For the next ten years while at Killingworth colliery George Stephenson undertook many different experiments and projects relating to steam engines, locomotives and rails, including building his first steam locomotive, Blucher, the first to use flanged wheels rolling on a smooth iron rail. During this time he formulated the ideas that would inform his work on the early railways for which he was to become famous.

Father of the railways

In 1821 the Stockton & Darlington Railway was authorised. Edward Pease, its chief promoter, wanted to enhance transport links between collieries in County Durham and trade routes to London. The line was originally designed to be hauled by horses. However, having been convinced by Stephenson’s experiments with rails and steam engines at Killingworth, the Stockton & Darlington Railway recruited him as engineer to the new railway. George, assisted by his son Robert, surveyed the line and drew up plans for a railway which was to be the first in the world designed specifically to use locomotives. Parliament passed the Stockton & Darlington Railway Act and the first iron rail was laid on 23 May 1823. The 26 mile line of the Stockton & Darlington Railway opened for traffic on 27th September 1825, running Locomotion No1, built at Robert Stephenson & Co in Newcastle. The influence of the original plan for the railway for use by horse and cart influenced George’s use of what was to become known as ‘standard gauge’. - 4ft 8 1/2 in between the rails.

The success Stephenson enjoyed with the Stockton & Darlington railway meant that he was much in demand with other fledgling railway projects. He was quickly enlisted by the Liverpool & Manchester Railway and was appointed their chief engineer bringing with him his assistant Joseph Locke. Stephenson understood that for maximum efficiency of the engines, gradients had to be kept to a minimum. To keep the line as level as possible, building the Liverpool & Manchester Railway included major civil engineering undertakings on a scale not seen before, for example at the Sankey Viaduct, the skew bridge at Rainhill, the Wapping Tunnel and the cutting at Olive Mount. The Rainhill Trials in October 1829 settled once and for all the advantages of locomotive power on the new railway as Rocket, built by Robert Stephenson & Co proved that engines could be fast and reliable. The Liverpool and Manchester Railway - the first intercity railway in the world - opened for traffic on 15 September 1830 with great ceremony, during which George drove Rocket in the procession.

The success of the Liverpool & Manchester Railway secured George Stephenson’s position, and he became associated with many railway projects mainly in the north midlands and south Pennines during the 1830s, including linking the Liverpool and Manchester Railway with lines to Birmingham (the Grand Junction Railway) and Leeds (the Manchester & Leeds Railway). By the 1840s George Stephenson stepped back from railway engineering, concentrating instead on his interests in mining. Younger engineers such as his son Robert Stephenson, Joseph Locke and Isambard Kingdom Brunel were driving the construction and development of the railway forward. During this time he was a founder of the Institution of Mechanical Engineers and was appointed its first President in 1847, shortly before his death in Chesterfield on 12 August 1848. 


9 June: George Stephenson was born at Wylam, Northumberland


George himself pays for lessons in reading, writing and arithmetic.


George marries Frances Henderson.


Robert, the only son of George and Frances is born.


Frances Stephenson dies.


George builds his first steam locomotive, the Blucher, at Killingworth Colliery, near Newcastle upon Tyne.


February: George obtains a patent for an improved steam locomotive, with exhaust steam providing a draught on the fire, and working purely by adhesion.


George oversees construction of a railway from Hetton Colliery in Co. Durham, which will involve both steam locomotives and rope haulage by stationery steam engines.


29 March: Stephenson marries for a second time; Elizabeth Hindmarsh.


19 April: Stockton & Darlington Railway authorised.


Construction of S&DR begins. Anticipating demand for locomotives along with the development of railways, George Stephenson sets up the firm Robert Stephenson & Co in Newcastle upon Tyne to build and supply locomotive engines.


George establishes George Stephenson & Son, ‘an office for engineering and railway surveying’ with his son Robert appointed as chief engineer.


George appointed engineer to the Liverpool & Manchester Railway but was dismissed as plans for the railway failed in parliament.


27 September: S&DR opens using steam locomotives from Robert Stephenson & Co.


Act for the Liverpool and Manchester Railway secured. Stephenson re appointed chief engineer.


15 September: Liverpool & Manchester Railway opened.


's. George acts as engineer to several railways.


George Stephenson retires from railway engineering. His second wife Elizabeth dies.


George founds the Institution of Mechanical Engineers and is appointed its first President.


11 January: Stephenson marries a third time to Ellen Gregory, his housekeeper. 12 August: George dies at Chesterfield and is buried in the churchyard of Holy Trinity church.
*************************        ***************************************************
Knowledge is a great gift for me to have.
This is how they dressed for Coal mining.
...And Back

Front and.......

The Altar

What to take down the mines.

Clay Cross must have been an important area all those years ago.

I love to go out and get more knowledge.

The engines and the lights, a good piece of education for me.
A great story teller from years gone by.

British Steam Trains.

George Stephenson glass window.


I bumped into Spireites fitness staff on a cold afternoon but with  a smile on their faces promoting.
Here's the guy's from Spireites Sport & Health Club

I may pop round for a wee peek into their gym and hydrotherapy pool, it sounds good and for all!
Remember that coffee! "I'll be back!" I'm sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger:-

The Arnold Schwarzenegger "I'll Be Back" Supercut - YouTube
30 Aug 2012 - Uploaded by clipnationdotcom
Arnold Schwarzenegger first used his iconic "I'll be back" catchphrase in the 1984 sci-fi thriller The ...
Weather started to get cold so coffee sounded good for another time.

Chesterfield footballer using Hydrotherapy and our Gym poster model is above advertising Spirelites Sport&Health Club.
I carried onto Waterstone's, they text me that my book arrived.
I was on my focus to collect Garnet Hill by Denise Mina from the shop and return my Library book.
When the book was from the Library, the thought of having to finish the words reading in a timescale was very difficult for me.
Now there is no rush; I can take my time and enjoy every word...........ThanX Denise Mina XXX

Collecting my book from Waterstone's

Returning the Library Book of Garnet Hill by Denise Mina.
I had it so difficult to read before, I'd read the first few paragraphs and fall asleep for a long time.
The brain gets soooo tired trying to read and organise all the letters in the right order.
I know there's a cupboard being mentioned and Maureen, possibly a Douglas?
Ask me what is going on here !!!Let me get a bit further to analyse this.
I've marked that I'm at Chapter 14......What do I know! I will know one day what is happening.
I just know......"There's A MURDUR!"
It's hard work to read just now, I have two friends who may join me out in a coffee shop and read our books, it saves me sitting at home, I can throw in a wee question every now and then, or even a "Wait till I tell you this one!" It sounds good for us, my challenge is to finish this book.
How many books have I started and then gone onto another book?
I daren't let you know...Shhhh! It's 7 books so far....Crikey!

I'm away to read now..........catch up later!
YES! I will catch up later OK!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

The Market & The New Year.

No matter what happened yesterday:
I'll push myself forward and ignore the rest of others "kind of" joviality towards me!

I had stayed in and watched the telly to indulge my mind in laughter.
I laughed all day long.

We got ready to go out for the last day in 2013.

The X-Mas Tree twinkling with lights.
I think this medication is blowing up the body, it's heavy to hold this weight.
I still have laughter with the New Year  neighbours.
I spoke to Douglas in The Market, he's from Glasgow and he had all the family there with him. I do believe it will be a very good evening.

With and without the moustache, a great evening for us all.
The moustache was on a tour!

Talent moustache doing the rounds.
It's lovely that no matter how many years have gone past, we still have a great sense of humour.
THE PITZ was about to play.

Celebrating with the band THE PITZ