Sunday, January 26, 2014

I'm Anxious and Depressed...WoopDeeDoo!

Before I go on any further with my interesting and exciting meetings in this life of mine.............!

Where did I go........!

Can anyone tell me............please!
You never arrive the way you left, headaches, stress, that's just life, isn't it?
What happened to my personality!
What brought on all my mood swings!

What happened, what happened, what happened!
On the last blob/blog, I did say that I wouldn't jump between the books I have to read; but.... you know me, I dived right in! I started reading one of the other books last night and found out that "I'm not the only one!"
Sorry Denise Mina, I will get back to your story, I promise........!
As I was tired I thought that I would only read one or two pages if I was lucky before I fell into the nodlandzzzzzzzzzz!
I read 39 pages of "A Dented Image"


I was intrigued and seen myself on each page, I thought, "Thank God I'm not the only one"
These pieces are written by Dr Trevor Powell, Consultant Clinical Neuropsychologist, Berkshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust.

My doctor has on my files that I have depression and anxiety, I told the Doctor last week that last year I had been moved to a town where I knew no-one by the NHS; therefore the isolation was the worst thing as I had no contact, no-one to talk to, my support was "sick" and I had no calls to cancel my support nor did I get a stand-in support. No one turned up! It was that simple. I just had to grin and smile and move on. I've still never had one yet! I wonder how I would have managed if I never had the determination to move myself forward.  The pain I have, apart from physical is a broken heart the way I have been treated.
End of story!.......possibly not.

Let me honestly tell you something here:-

My blob/blog is what I do to get me out of where I've been.
If I have family problems then that is something that I have to deal with.
I've been waiting for a very, very long time for a gift that was sent to me on the 15th of September 2013, I've kept this gob shut for a very, very long time and now I'm truley peeved, no pissed off!
My Doctor is looking for a Neuropsychologist for me now as I have come to the stage that I trust no-one and I will happily kick-ass towards people who annoy me.
Has their behaviour towards me brought on this Depression and Anxiety?
I think so!
People try to control you but I listen to nothing that they say, I'm still waiting for the other half of my £500 cash gift present that my dad sent for me.
Dad told me that he didn't want any arguements within the family as he's getting on in his age, he even gave her extra money on top of her £500 gift that she received for the travel expenses to Chesterfield to drop off my £500 cash gift and she was travelling the next week to Glasgow to give £500 cash to Brian. Poor Brian knew nothing about this either!
Families Eh!

By the way, she did say that I've not to mention their names so I must take that dummy now and keep it in my pram! How old have I become?
Just to remind you (I do repeat myself!) this cash changed hands on Sunday the 15th of September 2013 it's probably better off in her own pocket as she's away on a holiday of a life time and now has changed her job as a RSW, a Rehabilitation Support Worker!
I wonder if this is how people get trained!
If they think they can get away with this from their sister, i.e. ME!
I sincerely pray for others, from the bottom of my heart!

I received words this night about this situation and I'm still waiting for the final cash to be delivered.
It would be quicker if it came via Dubai as the traffic on the roads these days is so congested!
How many days have I waited now?

Mr Toby Perkins MP......My CHOICE!!! 25th October 2013

Friday 25th October 2013

I decided to put this blog out tonight after my meeting with Mr Toby Perkins MP of Chesterfield
He is the Labour Member of Parliament for Chesterfield.
Shadow Minister for Small Business (BIS)

Sincerely Thank You Mr Toby Perkins MP

I'll take us back to the 15th of September 2013

Remember....I do repeat myself!
This is what I received instead of my £500 cash!

This was my next letter dated 30.10.2013 then.........

Then this letter was dated 08.11.2013

My reply was on Thursday 14th November and I'm still waiting for this £250 pounds.

So, have I missed out on how to be treated after a Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage?
Is this the right way to be treated?
I must have slept for years and years as I cant remember this style of treatment?
I must go and get more education! Seriously.

Why have I become a "1 in a million"
I could be that one in a million numpty who allows my family to get away with treating me this way.
Maybe I'm that "1 in a million" person who has copied all my letters that has been sent to me and I have put them in other places from my Rehabilitation Home at Markham House in 2012.
Mr Toby Perkins always said to me last year, "Evidence!"
A great person to listen and follow.
I'm still trying to cope with all that has happened, but I will get there.

This has been bubbling inside me for such a long time.
I can't just turn away on their behaviour towards me and forget all about it!
This has held me back since my 1st Review in Markham House, Bolsover.
I wrote this letter all by myself, but certain people think that it's not my words.
I started to tell people when I would see them and that's when someone had an arguement with me as the weekends were hers and not mine?
Well I thought or assumed that this is my life and no-one elses!
Obviously I was wrong as I was dismissed from MY 1st REVIEW!
Obviously all of the people who are supposed to care and support me lost their tongues for My 1st Review.
C'est la vie, Such is life!
I didn't even know that they had a pre-meeting without Myself! HORROR!
I wonder what they all spoke about then, my nose bothers me here.
(I do repeat myself occassionally!)

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Friday 20th July 2012

Review Meeting

This is my letter that I read to all my family at my review meeting

Markham House

I moved to Markham on the 23rd of April 2012
I cannot remember meeting Rachael Smith on the 13thApril 2012.
If we check on April 16th and 17th my writing is absolutely horrific. My brain must have found it hard to organise all of my English language .
Here are some examples:
Monday 16th April – Meeting with call to incle Patel, good time Mr. Patel.
Going to feet with Patel down the soup
Tuesday 17th April – Met cousins to later to meet the mousin with my friend pat to hurry up.
Met Jonathan as my seen with my friend.
The ladder is shut in the door to give me a nice time.
This was the thoughts that went through my head, dear what a load of mash!

I have got through at the end, I’m the strongest person, no one treats me like a child.
I had my lumber puncture on 10th February and then I went for my SHUNT on 15th February 2012, at 7pm. When I had just had my shunt I was just leaving Hallamshire and I firstly crossed my legs in my chair .WOW.  I put my right leg over my left, my right leg was actually in a stroke but I could do things naturally.
My body was healing for me, when I was trying to talk again I was talking to the left but my memory was going to the right, we couldn’t get together from Saturday 18th February 2012 till now July 2012.

It has been very hard, I have lost myself in my body somewhere, obviously my brain must have hidden in a dark corner in my head. Thank god that I’m fine now and just got a few little corners in my brain to sort out, ahhhh.
I’ve only been honestly alive when I moved in hear on the 23rdof April 2012. I have the lights in my little houses in my head, every day the lights for the houses come on. They plop, plop, plop, every day, to remind me of the things in the past.

Steve turned up for our bye byes but it ended up in my room for a marathon 2:30pm till 4:30pm. I couldn’t stop with my feelings about being treated as a child. People treated me as a child and never listened to what I said as my words were all goobly and gaggley.

I know my family were there to see me in my bad, bad sickness time, I do love them all but I need people to treat me like an adult and listen to me.   I don’t want to be taken over I love my life and I want to live happily.  Speak to me and ask me first if you want to come to visit, I may be able to fit you into my busy busy life. 

So, I want everyone to go to their homes and works and enjoy their weekends. I can go back to my life. Woohoo thanks lord.

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This was 16 days after my blob/blog was started.
This is when lots of things started to bother me, pissed me off.

Then the next 8days later I had a Bedroom Strike.


Saturday 28th July 2012


Those in the know will understand, sorry to those who dont know!!!

The first blob/blog only lasted from the 4th of July 2012, Independence Day until the 25th of October 2012 but it never got online until Sunday 3rd Febtuary 2013.

When you are trying to get over this heavy trauma, why does the NHS and others who are supposed to be looking after you, just listen to what others say and not what I say!

Out of a family of seven children, I was the only family member who sent my dad a Christmas Card !
That breaks your heart and I'm the one with the Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage!
Maybe they all had a "sickness!"

On a good finish here, my dad thanked me very much for his christmas card.
That meant more than anything from him.

All My Love
Pauline XXX

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