Tuesday 23rd October

4am

I got up at 4am to go to the loo.

I looked at Paulina and I had to do something else, think, think, think.

I thought the nurses headdress?

NAME; PAULETTA

EYES; Two by sunglasses

HEART; COMFORT & TIME

HEADDRESS; Nurses hat?

I got into bed and slept sharply/minutes again.

8:15am

Someone chapped on my door, my head could not co-ordinate for me.

My body was so heavy for me.

Just the act of opening the door was such a cruel happening to me.

I couldn’t even open my voice to the door.

When I eventually made my move, there was no one at the door. I was about to leave the hallway and I seen my lady of the day, Juoquinita.

She arrived with my medication again and asked me if I was ok.

I told her that my body was so heavy and when I opened my eyes the left eye had been crying all by itself.

When I got into my room I knew why I was crying!

My clear vision of my dream was in my room here.

There were 5 people in my room. Janiece, David, myself and two others.

I had another knock on my dream door.

I opened up my door and it was Robert, my son.

When I looked at Robert I had the biggest smile on my face.

In my dream, I asked Robert to come into my room.

As soon as Robert put his first toe over the hall/bedroom place he turned into a three year old child. He was 3 yrs old? I picked him up in my arms and spun him around.

Where did his weight and his height go to.

My dream was so close to me, I felt that it was happening right now.

Robert moved into the back of David’s legs. As I looked down into his eye’s they were so big and sad, his face was frightened, just like me last week at the hospital to see Boyd. My sickness was flooding back to me again.

When will this stop.

In my dream I asked Janiece and David to leave the room so Robert the child and I could talk about the sadness and the frightens.

I thought that there was only Robert and myself but there was two more figures.

I could not break their faces from my dream, I didn’t know who they were!

I went downstairs for a coffee.

I was waiting for the kettle and suddenly more staff arrived. I felt quite uncomfortable with the people side of things. Things tried to enlarge in my mind, I had to leave, A.S.A.P.

I went back to sleep. I thought that I just closed my eyes for two moments but my body slept and slept. I could not understand what my body was doing to me.

Was my body being so weary with all the bitterness and cruelty being thrown about?

I eventually looked out the window and the mist still hung about the trees again.

AFTERNOON BREAKFAST

By the time I got ready for my breakfast it was 14:40pm.

Now, that did shock me!

What have I done today! Half a day? Nothing?

Ian and his friend Jeff came around to do the window cleaning today, it was quite cute to have a conversation with Ian through the window. He was up the ladder washing the windows and I was sitting at my desk typing away. Conversing. Pretty cool.

My body is so tired and heavy.

My feet are so tired and heavy.

I went down for my dinner, it was just after five O’clock, I think?

I got a beautiful burger and nice fries or would you call them chips?

I dragged my body back upstairs.

I was tired.

I was heavy.

I’m off to bed.

Goodnight to myself.