Monday 17th September

Good morning everyone.

I woke up this morning at 06:00am. I still had the “Lady’s feeling’s” that I had on Saturday 15^th September. I had to feel that I had some va, va, voom again.

I didn’t feel 1,000% ok but, I did feel ok. I was ready to go to the Farm today. I had my jog’s and wellies on and raring to go. SORRY FOLKS. I was not allowed out today as I couldn’t move any food to the animals. I wasn’t allowed to do anything.

I felt terrible that I had to stay back from the farm. I asked if it was ok for me going to the farm and just talk all morning!! When I found out about my cancellation at the farm I realised it was due to my insurance at my home for my health. I made arrangements to go to the doctors for my questions to be answered. I had a doctors appointment to see me at 6pm. I was quite exhausted with all the things that had gone through my head these last few days. I felt good now, at least I would find out what was happening to me. I had been in great pain but I knew I would sort myself out. (hopefully). My appointment was cancelled at 6pm and changed to 3:50pm tomorrow.

I lay on top of my bed and fell asleep. I felt angry and unhappy.

I thought :-

Why do people not listen to me??

Does anyone else actually LISTEN and UNDERSTAND what a brain injury is all about??

Sometimes I just think :-

Just because we are all breathing and alive, a lot of people just think that we all will go back to the way things were before we were so ill??

REALLY!!

LISTENING WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING

After my nap I popped down to the offices. I seen no one in office “one” then the door was closed in the empty “second” office. I couldn’t understand where everyone has vanished to.

As I turned round looking for anybody I saw a sister of mine in the office writing a letter. Obviously my letter!!  She said she was moving things from the house round the corner.

She mentioned to me that there was no room for my writing desk in her car.

I just thought to myself, why was the desk not dropped here first, it’s about 3 mins in the car to my home?? She said that she had too much stuff in the car. Oops!!

I had my diary in my hand at a page that I needed to talk to someone about.

My spot physician turned up and I showed her my diary page to read.

I needed answers to my questions??

Not a single word was said between us and my sister asked me

“Who was I whispering too!!” She was still in the office writing and never seen what I showed my spot physician. She was quite peeved at the comment that my sister said.

I never whispered to anyone. I was pretty annoyed that she said that comment to me!!

Do people ever listen and understand me??

Some times I wonder “How far up their arses does their head go?” Hmmmmmm!!

COMMENT

I was quite annoyed with the comment made to me. I asked my sister for the name of the property letter, I told her that I needed to contact the property person so that I could get my property back. She said she was the one with the keys and would deliver my desk to me another time.

I was totally vexed with the way that family members have treated me in my Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage.

Does anyone ever understand what happens in a brain injury!!

Every single person with a brain injury has their own special way out, to get HOME.

I went back to my room and concentrated back on my BLOG. I love the words as they make me escape from all my side effects and problems in my life.

I went downstairs a bit later and there was no sister. I looked everywhere but no sign.

I knew that my sister wrote me a letter so I looked for it. I asked Tallulah if she had the letter and she told me that my sister went upstairs and put it under my door!!

Oops!! I have been in my room all afternoon on my blog and I never seen any letter under my door. NO LETTER. My friend has been quite peeved off with me going on about my family. One minute they say that they put a letter under my door but the next moment there is none. Why do people not stay on the right path, forward!!

When I looked at the registry book for arrival and departures of my sister I could not find her name in either of the two books.

The Book, the log in is :-

Who comes in?  Time ?

Who goes out?   Time?

Even I know that this company has important details for the records here to make sure that details should be recorded properly?

How on earth did my sister arrive through the front door with a member of staff with the two recorded books at the front desk and NOT SIGN IN OR OUT?????????

Where on earth have you left your head now?? TUT, TUT.

SOMETIMES I WONDER???

ROBERT, my son. We had a call that night just after 9pm. Robert was keeping me up to date with how his gran is and how Julie was with the wee baba Boyd. Robert’s gran, my mother was fine. What a relief to me. I’m so pleased that she doesn’t need to do all the travelling back and forth to me. I was terrified for my mum travelling at her age with her health that absolutely worried  me for her. It must have drained you so much during my Subarachnoid Brain Haemorrhage.  Health is such an important cause to me these days.

I can just imagine that Robert had so many things to organise.

There was a beautiful pregnant Julie, she was heading to a hard job ahead of her.

BLESS YOU.

There was the work, how many hours a week? I’m sure you said the hours at one point in the conversation but my hearing along with my eyes and circulation, well I can’t remember that precisely but I thought it was two jobs? It’s very tiring when you try to organise all the fixtures and fittings for Boyd arriving at home.

I can believe that your thoughts would be with Julie, that was the most important person for you, and it will always be.

I’m so proud of your focus on what is lying ahead of you now.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FATHER XXX

You are such a hard worker now with all your priorities in front of you.

This is going to be the best experience in your life. I’m so happy for you.

TO MY FRIEND

I sent a text to my friend about my emotions and my feelings. My friend has been there for a long, long time and listens to everything from me. I do know that I have the faith, the strength, the fight and I have the courage. My poor brain has disappeared with my thoughts. I have tried so hard to be such a strong person, I just see someone jumping about in my head all the time. I do the best, to think of ME, but sometimes there is someone hiding in a corner in my head. BLAST.

I’m so pleased that my friend is such a strong but soft person.

GOD BLESS YOU XXX

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED.

Today it has been a very, very, screwed up day today.

I have been so annoyed, and then I was so PROUD of Robert.

Tonight I have just let my emotions and feelings and thoughts, all at the same time, mixing inside my head. Getting words mixed up, all over the page.

Why do people not TRY to understand what we are all going through with our brains.

Does anyone ever THINK!!!

I’m so tired.

Goodnight.

XXX